A few days ago while at the store with my son, Aaron, I had a very familiar experience, for me anyway. A woman commented to me about how cute my 6 year old son was. Then she proceeded to ask him how old he was, his name, the normal things asked in that situation. When she did not get answers, I explained Aaron is deaf, I then preceded to tell him, in American Sign Language, what the woman had asked and he began to “talk” nonstop answering her questions. The woman’s attitude changed from that of “Oh how cute” to one of pity. “I am so sorry he is deaf,” was her comment to me. This is very normal to me after 6 years. I just said, ”Why? I am not.” Her attitude was not unusual. However, it does make me wonder. Why do people consider never having something the loss of something. In the case of my son, he has never had normal hearing. What little he has is all he has ever known and will ever know. To him he is normal and perfectly happy with his life. When all you have ever known is silence, you do not miss the everyday noise of the world. This presents the question “why is the lack of hearing the same as the loss of hearing to our society?” As a society we look at those born deaf as we would look at someone who loses their hearing later in life, someone who is suddenly thrust into silence, my goal to too encourage people to understand that these sounds are not missed when they have never been heard.
In regards to Aaron, he does have, to assist what little hearing he does have, hearing aids. However, to him they are more of a hindrance than a help. To him the sound is annoying and grating on the nerves. He has headaches and really does not understand the meanings behind the noise he hears. He is most happy in his silent world. He has on more than one occasion “lost” his hearing aids because he does not want to wear them. He will very often tell me in sign not to voice to him. With those who due to illness or trauma lose their hearing later in life. These people in most all cases are thrust in to a world that is completely unknown to them. They are quite understandably scared and learning a whole new life. Giving aids and cochlear implants to those who lose hearing later in life hearing makes the loss more bearable. Life can then be more normal. Those who are born deaf or lose hearing at a very young age do not need the sounds of the world to tell them what is going on around them. As they have developed the necessary skills needed to live.
As a parent I have seen the whole gamut; from those who have such pity for my son and his silent world, to understanding, to complete disgust that we do not force hearing aids. Those who pity him usually are just misinformed of what being deaf is. They have bought in to the fact that if you cannot hear you cannot function in the world and will be uneducated and destitute. With my son if they take the time to get to know Aaron they understand that there is nothing to feel sorry for. In fact he is in a deaf class for part of the day at school, and in a regular class with hearing children, the rest of the day. He is ahead of the students in both classrooms. He is happy in his world, and will accomplish whatever he sets his mind to.
Those who understand the world of the deaf usually have personally known a deaf person. They know that the deaf community is just like any other community. It is a community proud and very able to live in the world and be successful. Marly Matlin is a well known actress who happens to be deaf, that has had a successful career. All the deaf community asks is that they be given the same opportunities as the rest of our society.
Unfortunately there are those who think that as a parent I have literally abused my son for not forcing him to wear his hearing aids. They think that hearing is as necessary as air. We have even had Child Protective Services called when Aaron “lost” his hearing aids. The call was made under the assumption of medical neglect. We have had to explain our choice to raise our son deaf, many times before and since. We have also been chastised by family members for not choosing cochlear implants, without even knowing the criteria for the implants or the risks. The assumption was that merely having them the implants was better no matter the risk. They believe that he needs to be normal. For these people the term audist is appropriate. Audism was coined in the mid seventies and is simply defined as discriminating against someone who cannot hear or hears differently. Much like racism and sexism the audist feels that because a person is not of the same sex or color are not capable of performing up to the expectations of the majority.
When you meet me in the store and tell me how cute my son is, do not feel sorry for him. He is smart, kind, loving, and most of all just an ordinary little boy. Instead ask me why I am proud of him, let me brag on him.
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