It’s not my Birthday

Ashlyn wanted to make her own invitations for her slumber party. She picked out all the stamps ,the pre-cut cards, the ink colors, everything. We sat down to make the cards this afternoon, as I wanted to be lazy this morning. I had to catch myself telling her, not that way you will mess it up. These are her cards she can do them anyway she wants. The whole idea is for her to make them. I admit in my scrapbooking and card making I am a perfectionist, no place else in my life am I, but there I am. It was so hard for me to sit back and say you do it the way you like them. All in all I think they turned out very good for her first attempt at card making. I am no expert at card making either as I am just getting in to it.

For her birthday she is asking for money or gift cards to scrapbook stores. I am so excited to have a scraping buddy. She is still learning and teaching me things too. I watch her make her pages and if she messes up it is okay she crosses it out, puts a sticker over it and moves on. Me I mess up and I have a cow over the page not being perfect. I am so up tight.

Happy Turkey Day. My reason to be thankful for Aaron

Today is the day to give thanks for the many blessing that GOD has bestowed on us. Today's list is for Aaron, however I have many other things to thankful for. Watch in the coming days as I am thinking that this may be a permeate addition to my blog.

Reason I am thankful for Aaron.

1. He has taught me a new language
   
2. He is his daddy's "mini me"
   
3. He is my only son
   
4. He loves to give hugs
   
5. With all his challenges he is ahead of the kids in his deaf ed class and his regular kindergarten
   
6. He is curious
   
7. He is dramatic, you should see him play Batman and Robin
   
8. He is a mommy's boy
   
9. He loves his ride to school with daddy
   
10. As deaf as he is he loves to sing
    
11. He is the reason I became interested in the deaf community and now am going to college to become an advocate for the deaf
    
12. He gives me flowers (not always from appropriate places, but he is thinking of me)
    
13. He is not too old to want to tell me about his day at school
    
14. He is so SMART!
    
15. He is my last baby.
    

In not wanting to repeat from person to person this got challenging. I really thought about why I love each person in my family, and gained a new appreciation for each of them. I have a new respect and a new love for each of them. I challenge you all to do the same. You will understand the individuality of each and find new reason why you love them.

Happy Thanksgiving. Remember to thank GOD for your blessing.

15 Things I am Thankful for in Jessie

Today is Miss Jesalyn's turn.

1. Her gorgeous blue eyes
   
2. She is a great reader
   
3. She can be really really goofy
   
4. She is great at cleaning when she wants to
   
5. She is good at cheerleading
   
6. Her smile that makes her eyes twinkle
   
7. All that hair
   
8. She enjoys school
   
9. She makes friends easy
   
10. She is a wonderful artist
    
11. Her laugh
    
12. She knows what she wants
    
13. She is her own person
    
14. She was born from my heart not my tummy
    
15. She has an attitude and she is not afraid to use it. ( sometimes I am not so thankful for this)

Why I am Thankful for Ashlyn

Today is my day to be thankful Ashlyn my baby girl who will be 11 in just a week.

1. She is very loving
   
2. She is growing up in to a very smart young lady
   
3. Her laugh
   
4. She tries so hard to do things just right
   
5. She makes me laugh
   
6. She is not afraid to ask for help
   
7. She wakes up with a smile on her face
   
8. She is friendly to everyone
   
9. Her teachers love her
   
10. She is my scrapbook buddy
    
11. She is a little mommy to her brother and sister
    
12. She loves her Heavenly Father
    
13. She is a good helper
    
14. She is maturing into a responsible tween
    
15. She is my first baby, that I wanted so badly.

My Thankfulness Challange

I am challenging myself to think of 15 things about each person in my family one person each day between now and Thursday to be thankful for without repeating.

Today I am thankful for Stephen because

1. He is not afraid to be affectionate
   
2. He provides for our family
   
3. He is a wonderful father
   
4. Even through the last year of treatments he was always there when the family needed him
   
5. His sense of humor even though it drives me batty sometimes
   
6. His sense of loyalty
   
7. His work ethic
   
8. His willingness to support me in going to college
   
9. His self confidence
   
10. They way he looks at me
    
11. He loves me for who I really am
    
12. He enjoys being with the kids
    
13. He puts up with my moodiness
    
14. He will go camping with me
    
15. He willing to try most anything

Sitting around with Mayo in my hair

So last week I was talking with my best friend in Kansas City. She was saying how she was getting ready for the holiday week trip and the kids ended up with lice. I felt for her believe me, we have had scares thinking we might have it, treating everything just in case. Thank goodness nothing. So I told her that and knock on wood we were going to keep dodging that bullet. The NEXT day Friday I got a call from the girl's school nurse. Jessie had LICE!!!!!!!!!!!! How in the heck did we get it over the phone from Kansas City!!!!!!!!!! (that is a joke. I am being funny here.) I knew I should have kept my big mouth shut. So I picked up Ashlyn as well and looked at her before we left the nurse's office. Yep she had it too. Damn!!!!!!! (sorry about the dirty wordy but I was ticked off) We went to Wal-Mart picked up the RID stuff, tea tree oil for the shampoo, and laundry soap since I was almost out. Then to Best Buy, our down stairs vacuum kicked the bucket and the upstairs one is very quickly behind it, and got a new Dyson (I wanted one but not this way.) So after spending $550 between Wally World and Best Buy, we went to get Aaron from school. We got home and started laundry treating hair with RID and cleaning every corner of the house. All the while my head was itching.

When I checked Jessie after treating her I found just 3 lice. Ashlyn I found like ten, plus 2 that I saw got rinsed out. So I think Ashlyn had it first. Aaron, Stephen, and I were all clean. So now we will be putting mayo in our hair every night for 7 days, and combing through every night as well, then retreating next Friday. I am so not happy here. The kids do not totally understand what is going on. Even Stephen griped about feeling like tuna fish with mayo in his hair. At least we will have well conditioned hair after the next week.

You would not believe how far behind on laundry I was anyway. But now I have bags upon bags in the garage. I am bringing in one at a time and washing it in HOT water and putting it away, Gees I really hate laundry! Everything we sleep on gets washed the next day and the beds and pillows sprayed down. Every piece of furniture gets sprayed before you sit on it and when you get up. The floor pillows and the floor where we lay to watch TV get sprayed. Right before the holiday that we were going to take it easy during, teach me to open my mouth. Oh well life is tough then you die right.

I thought I should tell you all a little bit about our family. I am hoping that maybe this blog is getting some readers, even some who may not know us other than from here.

We are the Raines family, Stephen, Kay, Ashlyn, Jesalyn, and Aaron. We live in Texas, where Stephen and I have lived our entire lives. Yep we are pretty boring in this day and age. We have been married for 15 years. And moved into our new home about 2 ½ years ago. We have been a Foster Family, through CPS here in Texas. We fostered 5 babies over 2 years and eventually adopted our middle daughter Jesalyn.

Stephen works for a concrete construction company as their IT Director. He loves to play Fighter Ace a web based WWII flying game. He enjoys playing golf and watching just about any sport. He is a huge Cowboys, Rangers, Stars, and Mavericks fan. He is a huge Sci-Fi fan as well. He is also in to what I call scary movies. He likes vampires and the like. He enjoys spending time with the kids just being dad.

I have been a stay at home mom since Ashlyn was born. I really enjoy being with my kids and watching them grow up, they are become such cool people. Now that I have all the kids in school all day I have decided to go back to college. I have a few college hours but I am pretty much starting from scratch. I also love Sci-Fi. My favorite is Star Trek, Sanctuary, but most of all Doctor Who, new and classic. I am a Girl Scout Leader for the girls. I love to go camping, which Stephen laughs at because I am not one to like to sit outside. I enjoy watching movies with family and I am addicted to scrapbooking.

Ashlyn is almost 11 and she is a true tween. She loves Girl Scouts and learning new things with the other girls. She has been a pee wee cheerleader for 2 seasons now and loves it. She is in the 4^th grade at school and loves to read. She is really good at math too. She is known by all the teachers to always be smiling and happy. She is getting a love for Sci-Fi from mommy and daddy. Ashlyn was born with a rare birth defect called Marshall Syndrome, it was inherited from Stephen. She was born with a cleft palate and no cartridge in her nose and cheeks. She has had cataracts removed and lens replacements. She is also hard of hearing, and wears hearing aids. She has had several surgeries. She has had her cleft closed and her nose built up along with many sets of tubes.

Jesalyn turned 7 in August. She is also a Girl Scout and loving it, and she has been a cheerleader for a season. She is in the 1^st grade and is a great reader. She can have quite a temper at home but everywhere else she is as sweet as pie, hum what does that say. Jessie also has a love for the Sci-Fi. Her favorite show is Eureka. She is also quite the little artist, she is great at drawing.

Aaron just turned 6. He loves to play video games already. He can figure out just about any electronics we do not let him see any of our passwords he is very sneaky. He too was born with Marshall Syndrome. He has had his cleft closed, craniovault surgery and many set of tubes. He is legally blind and has a sever to profound hearing loss. He is in Kindergarten and is doing great. He ahead of the kids in his deaf ed class and his regular ed class.

Well that is a little about us more to come.

Supermen

John Ondrasik performs under the stage name “Five for Fighting” which comes from the hockey expression when a player gets a five minute penalty for fighting. His music tends to be a reflection of his values in family, honor, and morality. Ondrasik uses his songs to personify struggles that any person can encounter. Since the beginning of time there have been those everyday men and women, who for only the luck of the moment, are thrust into situations that are extraordinary. These everyday people find the inner strength to put aside their own safety and wellbeing for the sake of others. Society has decided that these remarkable people are to be called “heroes.” Hero is defined in the Webster’s Dictionary as “a person, usually a man, admired for courage fortitude, prowess, nobility, etc” (Webster’s.) Over the years society, has adjusted this definition to include those admired for sports, acting, singing abilities, or political views. Once the community recognizes a hero the standards to which they are held become so much higher than that of the average person. These people are put on a pedestal, thought to be more than human and to be exempt from human emotions and frailties. This aspect of society is revealed in the song, by “Five for Fighting,” “Superman (it’s not easy).” The song takes society’s views to the extreme and is told from the view of a hero with super human powers. Yet the song truly shows how society can elevate a person to the point that they are no longer able to live up to the expectations of the public.
Ondrasik’s recorded “Superman” in the year 2000. Soon after the release of the song, the United States was rocked to its core by the attacks of September 11, 2001 when the country was wishing for a real superhero to fly in and make it possible for people to “sleep sound tonight” (Five for Fighting) again. The song, already considered a success, was propelled upwards. The song speaks of the inner feelings of the fictional comic strip superhero Superman. Superman is not actually named, other than in the song title, but the mention of the powers he possess, his costume and kryptonite it is clear to whom the song is referencing. Superman seems to have lost his desire for fighting against the villains of the world. He seems to be looking for his real self, to become more than just the hero that swoops in to save the day at the last minute. He feels that he is no longer allowed to dream or better himself in any way. The myth of Superman is that of a man who has no other reason for life other than to beat the villain and save the world.
Our society is very good at this over blown hero worship today. Sports is a good illustration of this, we find an athlete that is good at their sport and base all expectations in achievement on that sport. An example would be a baseball player that is good at hitting homeruns therefore he is good at everything on and off the field. Where an everyday person might sit and think that all of their problems will be solved if they had the fame and money that goes along with it; this song shows how a famous person can wish for the simple non-descript life. Those who are in the public eye are forced to bear their sorrows with the masses watching. The heroes are not permitted to show that they can bleed or show their pain. We have seen many new celebrity moms who are experiencing post partum depression, they are mocked in the tabloids for having problems. The very real fact is that growing numbers of new mothers within the populous are experiencing the same thing is often over looked. Superman states several times in the song that he “can’t stand to fly” (Five for Fighting.) The man known for leaping tall building in a single bound is scared to fly which has a real life example in John Wayne, who was known for his western movies, but was deathly afraid of horses. According to the lore of Superman, kryptonite is deadly to him. In the song he says that he looking for kryptonite, which can be taken as a thought of maybe wishing for the release of death, not unlike those super stars who commit suicide with drug overdoses. “I am only a man in a silly red sheet,” (Five for Fighting) which can be used to reference actors or actress who play various professions such as a doctor being asked in real life “why can’t you save this life.”
Heroes are human, they are not from other worlds and have the same feelings that the everyday person feels. They are not immune to the pitfalls in life that the rest of society faces. When stress, fear, or the unknown faces them why should they be thought to be above the feelings of the rest of the planet. Ondrasik illustrates the double standard in which society expects our heroes and celebrities’ to live with. He takes the extreme of Superman and humanizes him with an emotional plea for understanding, for all his powers there is another side the emotional side of our life.

Party Time

Most of you know that over the last year Stephen has been on Interferon treatments. The effects of the medicine is pretty much that of chemo therapy. Every week he had to prepare himself for the worst case of the flu, his personality changed also, he was constantly tired. To say the least is has not been an easy year on him. Well Halloween night was the last treatment, I thought that was pretty good timing.

Last night I had planned a party for him to celebrate the end of the shots and most of all him. I wanted to have all our friends and family to take the opportunity to just be grateful that he was okay. Stephen was his normal self before the party, he thought it was a silly thing, he was worried about the budget he had had given me for it, that kind of stuff. We had a house full of family and friends. On the way home last night he told me several times that he it was a great idea, he had a great time. Wow I have good ideas from time to time.

The best part of the evening had to have been, that both of Stephen's best friends and their families were there. It has been a long time since we have seen Cary and Laura and their kids. Stephen works with Roger everyday but I have not seen him and his wife in a while either. I got great pictures of him and Roger and Cary. However I forgot my camera like an idiot, so I had to use my sister in laws. As soon as I get the pictures I will post them. I was so excited about those pictures. Then we did one of the 3 guys and their wives. I thought it was a great picture opportunity.

I really want our family and friends to know how much our family needed your support this year. We are so thankful for all of you, and the prayers and the help you have given us this year. We would have made it through the year but it would have been so much more difficult. Thank you Christina and Philip for all your help with the party last night , and to Carol and David for letting us use your home for the party.

Stephen I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father for blessing our family through this year. The year was not easy on you, yet you were always there for your family when we needed you. I am very excited that this is over and our family can return so something that resembles normal all though I am not really sure we are ever really normal.

The Pumkin Murder

I have to tell you all how I murdered my son’s pumpkin. A couple of weeks ago we went to the birthday party of our cousin Ava. As part of the party favor gifts each child got to pick a small pumpkin during the hay ride. Aaron took his time and found the perfect pumpkin. I got great pictures of him picking it out. Then when the hay ride was over my sister in law let the children paint the pumpkins. Aaron once again took his time and worked very very hard on getting his jack o lantern face just right, eyes in triangles, nose and mouth

When we got home that evening the kids decided to put the pumpkins in the front yard since we are quite lacking on decorations out there. Unknown to me, Aaron set his at the corner of the driveway and the sidewalk. The next morning as I pulled out of the driveway to run an errand with the girls, guess what happened. Yep I ran over the pumpkin. Aaron came out to help get stuff in the house when we got home, he stopped dead when he say the pumpkin. He ran to it and sat down beside it and CRIED to a half hour. The poor dear was heartbroken. He finally came in the house and moped around for another 30 minutes or so and was back outside beside his poor little pumpkin. He sat beside it and patted it, and just cried. I tried to get all the pumpkin guts picked up, but for the next several days he would whimper every time we got in the car.

For those of you like my mother who think I should have run right out and gotten him another pumpkin I did. After 3 trips to Wally World I finally found one of the little pumpkins for him. He was so excited. But nothing will ever be the same as that pumpkin.

BTW we are not telling him Mommy is the pumpkin killer.

By The Stroke Of A Pen

“Why do some governments persist in issuing adopted children with new birth certificates, which is a fabrication” (Robinson), reads the second sentence in the introduction, from Evelyn Burns Robinson’s rant against adoption. I have tried to stay fair in my naming of her feelings however she is very venomous and totally against adoption. Robinson compares adoption to slavery, as human beings bought and sold like cattle. She states that no matter the type of family history or dynamics, that children should be taken in by family members until the mother who in her mind is just having a hard time can once again take care of the child. “Women must stop taking other women’s children,” is her answer to the adoption quandary. Her idea is that babies are taken from someone who is financially insecure and placed with someone who can only offer the child more stuff. Robinson feels that the love of a birth mother can never be equaled by an adoptive parent. While her view is of that as a birthmother who is letting her remorse over her own decision cloud the so many wonderful experiences of birth mothers, adopted children and adoptive families. Adoption is and always has been a vital and important part of our society to give a child a forever family. The singular view of one birthmother who now regrets her decision to give up a child for adoption can not negate the needs of the many children in our world that are in need of a stable and loving home.

The comparison of adoption to slavery is for shock value. Slavery is a dark time in our nation’s and world’s history. Robinson says that slavery was there “because [we] wanted them {slaves] and society said that [we] could.” Expecting one human to do the jobs another feels is beneath them, at the threat of bodily harm or even loss of life is reprehensible. Many children in the world are left neglected, abused, starved, or treated as slaves of the birth parent who is supposed to love them and keep them safe. All children deserve a life free of such things and the opportunity to be children not the servant of the adult in their lives. Adoption gives these children the chance to have a home and parents who will love them unconditionally. Today we know and understand that all life is important and is not to be thrown away in any form. Adoption is quite the opposite of slavery. It is the opportunity for a child to learn and grow in a world that truly wants them and gives them the chance to become the person they are meant to be. Children are not bought and sold on the street corner or at the local auction with the live stock. Great care is taken in checking out prospective parents preparing them for the obsicales that may arise due to a child’s past or genetic history. Yes adoption is an expensive process but is not for profit of one or two individuals, but the cost of the process of making sure that the child is placed in the right place for their needs.

Robinson’s answer for adoption is to place children with family until the birth mother gets through her rough times. Once again this is a limited view. Consider the situation and family dynamics of a child who is placed for adoption though a state agency. The child is removed from a home where the mother is severely neglecting and abusing the child. In most cases this is not a first time situation, the parent learned this response from somewhere. The state agency’s first priority is family reunification and placing the child with suitable family members if at all possible. However if the parent learned such behaviors from their own parents then placing a child in the same environment with other family members is not a viable option. When grandparents are of an age they cannot take in children or sibling of the parents are not old enough or stable enough to take in children, where are these children to go. There is also every possibility that there is no family member willing to give up the life the currently have to parent this child. Agencies’ give birth families every opportunity to learn parenting skills that are needed. When this fails to happen a child cannot be left hanging in the system indefinitely a permant home must be found. Robinson alludes to huge numbers of children being given back the state agencies after being adopted by parents who decide they no longer want to parent these children. With the training and the entire medical and social history given to the adoptive parents this is rare.

Our history as an entire planet is full of adoption. Ancient cultures would take in the children of enemies and raise them as their own when they were found orphaned. It was not unheard of for an adult to be adopted by a family when his own family was killed. As the Mormons crossed the country on the way to the Great Salt Lake Valley entire families died. From time to time leaving one or more children without any family to care for them on the journey, other families stood up and took that child in to be raised as their own. Yes in most cases children were taken in by family members in the past however we have become a society who thinks only of ourselves now and many of these children would have not relatives to live with.

Robinson’s view is very narrow and tinted by her own feelings of sorrow and grief. She wants to put a stop to what she feels is the cause of her grief. It is a natural response but just proves that she has not dealt with the issues within herself. She is trying to project her own feeling on the whole world and villinazing a very necessary process because she cannot deal with the choices she either made or felt pressured to make.

Why Should You Be Sorry When I Am Not

A few days ago while at the store with my son, Aaron, I had a very familiar experience, for me anyway. A woman commented to me about how cute my 6 year old son was. Then she proceeded to ask him how old he was, his name, the normal things asked in that situation. When she did not get answers, I explained Aaron is deaf, I then preceded to tell him, in American Sign Language, what the woman had asked and he began to “talk” nonstop answering her questions. The woman’s attitude changed from that of “Oh how cute” to one of pity. “I am so sorry he is deaf,” was her comment to me. This is very normal to me after 6 years. I just said, ”Why? I am not.” Her attitude was not unusual. However, it does make me wonder. Why do people consider never having something the loss of something. In the case of my son, he has never had normal hearing. What little he has is all he has ever known and will ever know. To him he is normal and perfectly happy with his life. When all you have ever known is silence, you do not miss the everyday noise of the world. This presents the question “why is the lack of hearing the same as the loss of hearing to our society?” As a society we look at those born deaf as we would look at someone who loses their hearing later in life, someone who is suddenly thrust into silence, my goal to too encourage people to understand that these sounds are not missed when they have never been heard.

In regards to Aaron, he does have, to assist what little hearing he does have, hearing aids. However, to him they are more of a hindrance than a help. To him the sound is annoying and grating on the nerves. He has headaches and really does not understand the meanings behind the noise he hears. He is most happy in his silent world. He has on more than one occasion “lost” his hearing aids because he does not want to wear them. He will very often tell me in sign not to voice to him. With those who due to illness or trauma lose their hearing later in life. These people in most all cases are thrust in to a world that is completely unknown to them. They are quite understandably scared and learning a whole new life. Giving aids and cochlear implants to those who lose hearing later in life hearing makes the loss more bearable. Life can then be more normal. Those who are born deaf or lose hearing at a very young age do not need the sounds of the world to tell them what is going on around them. As they have developed the necessary skills needed to live.

As a parent I have seen the whole gamut; from those who have such pity for my son and his silent world, to understanding, to complete disgust that we do not force hearing aids. Those who pity him usually are just misinformed of what being deaf is. They have bought in to the fact that if you cannot hear you cannot function in the world and will be uneducated and destitute. With my son if they take the time to get to know Aaron they understand that there is nothing to feel sorry for. In fact he is in a deaf class for part of the day at school, and in a regular class with hearing children, the rest of the day. He is ahead of the students in both classrooms. He is happy in his world, and will accomplish whatever he sets his mind to.
Those who understand the world of the deaf usually have personally known a deaf person. They know that the deaf community is just like any other community. It is a community proud and very able to live in the world and be successful. Marly Matlin is a well known actress who happens to be deaf, that has had a successful career. All the deaf community asks is that they be given the same opportunities as the rest of our society.

Unfortunately there are those who think that as a parent I have literally abused my son for not forcing him to wear his hearing aids. They think that hearing is as necessary as air. We have even had Child Protective Services called when Aaron “lost” his hearing aids. The call was made under the assumption of medical neglect. We have had to explain our choice to raise our son deaf, many times before and since. We have also been chastised by family members for not choosing cochlear implants, without even knowing the criteria for the implants or the risks. The assumption was that merely having them the implants was better no matter the risk. They believe that he needs to be normal. For these people the term audist is appropriate. Audism was coined in the mid seventies and is simply defined as discriminating against someone who cannot hear or hears differently. Much like racism and sexism the audist feels that because a person is not of the same sex or color are not capable of performing up to the expectations of the majority.

When you meet me in the store and tell me how cute my son is, do not feel sorry for him. He is smart, kind, loving, and most of all just an ordinary little boy. Instead ask me why I am proud of him, let me brag on him.

My First Blog

This is my blog. Okay now what do I do with it. Let me tell you who I am and then I will talk about what I am going to blog about.

I am Kay. Wife to Stpehen, for 15 years. Mom to Ashlyn who is 10, Jesalyn who is 7 and Aaron who is 6. I have been a stay at home mom since Ashlyn was born. My life as been taking care of my husand and children. I have loved every minute of it....well almost.
In September I went back to college. After 18 years I have gone back to school. It has been an adventure, I am learning new things and new things about myself. I am going to get my degree in audiology/deaf studies. I want to be a sign lanugage interpter while I finish school, and then be and advocate for the deaf. I am very interested in this as Stephen and Ashlyn are both hard of hearing and Aaron is deaf.

I am going to be blogging about my family, my school experiences, and a place to show off some of my papers that I write that have hit a special cord with me. I hope I will not bore you all out of your minds. If it does just ignore me.