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Saturday, January 3, 2009

Goodbye 2008…Hoping 2009 will be better

This year has been a very hard year for our family. Stephen has finished his Hepatitis C treatments. He is pretty much back to his normal self, driving me nuts. He sees the doctor in January after having one last blood test and we are fervently praying that all is well.

The day before Christmas Eve we started our holiday in a very scary way. Ashlyn came to me and ask me for a knife. She wanted to kill herself. She has been on depression meds for a couple of months now, and been very overwhelmed with school. I immediately stopped what I was doing and sat with her awhile and talked with her about what she had said. In talking with her I felt she was serious. My 11 year old wanted to die. I called the counselor we have been seeing, after talking with Ashlyn for a long time she told me she as fairly certain Ashlyn knew what she was saying and was in danger from herself. It was time to check her in to a hospital. She came home the next day just in time for Christmas Eve. She will be starting a day program on Monday.

I have dealt with depression all of my life, seeing it in my child is scaring the living crap out of me. I have learned how to deal with it in me, I am not at all sure how to deal with Ashlyn having it. I know how she feels, she does not understand though that I have been there. Leaving her there at the hospital was the hardest thing I had ever done. Yet she was so sure that that the she needed to stay. She wants to feel better.